As we feared would happen once I started taking the blood thinners again, I started having some headaches a couple of weeks ago and since last Wednesday, I’ve had a headache that won’t go away. It doesn’t seem to matter how much headache medicine I take. These headaches are a reaction to the blood thinners so nothing works to make them stop except to stop taking the blood thinners, which I can’t really do without a high risk of dying. We were hopeful that this wouldn’t happen this time, but it has. I have to go back to the doctor this week to see if we can find something - perhaps a Beta Blocker - that I might be able to take every day to actually prevent the headaches rather than taking something to try to get rid of them once they’ve already started, since that obviously doesn’t work. Please pray that we’ll find another option. On top of that, all week I’ve been having more severe abdominal and leg pain. I’m starting to feel like a walking time bomb, but I know that the Bible says:

“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
      I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

 15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
      I will be with him in trouble,
      I will deliver him and honor him.

 16 With long life will I satisfy him
      and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16
I generally can’t stand complaining (by me or anyone else) so I really try to act like everything is ok, but it is not. I am going to go crazy if I can’t get rid of these headaches. I will NOT let this stop me from living, though, so I’m still writing and working a few hours per week and doing as much as I can with the children. I am happy to answer questions and do the regular work I’ve been doing with homeschooling. If anything, it helps me focus on something else besides the pain for a while so I’m glad to have distraction. Otherwise, I still just have to sleep a lot and that’s good, too, except for the fact that I don’t get much done. : )

If you are dealing with the same sorts of issues, please know that I do understand what you are going through. I talk with homeschool moms all the time who have been inspired by the posts I’ve made on chronic pain and they are encouraged. I think it is helpful to others simply to know that they ARE NOT ALONE in their suffering. Sometimes, especially with pain - whether physical or emotional - it’s easy to feel like you’re completely isolated from the rest of the world and everyone else goes around acting completely normal while you are suffering so badly. I used to tell Chris, my husband, when I was in severe pain, that I honestly couldn’t understand how people could just be walking around acting like things were normal and life was good. Even though I lived without pain before I got sick and I fully understand that you can’t FEEL someone else’s pain, I got to the point where it was so bad that I just didn’t understand how they couldn’t feel my pain. It’s almost like the pain was so severe that I expected it to flow out of me and others would feel it as well. I know that sounds silly, but when you have pain that is debilitating, it is so all-consuming that it’s all you can think about. I understand this.

If you need a sympathetic ear, e-mail me. It is NOT easy to homeschool when you live with chronic illness, but it CAN be done!

Yours truly,
Sonya Haskins

www.thehomeschooladvocate.com

I heard something today that really made me think.

This man was talking about his life and growing up in the Great Depression. During that time, when he was 12 years old, his father died, leaving his mother with 7 young children, no money, and no income.

This man said that he remembered his mom, like a mother hen, huddling all the children around the casket at his father’s funeral. She looked down at his father, with the children there in front of her and said, “Look at what you’ve left me with…”

And I fully expected her to say something like, “all these children, no money, and what am I supposed to do?”

But instead, she said, “Look at what you’ve left me with” and she looked at the children, “something that is worth more than all the gold in the world. THANK YOU.”

Wow.

I am so thankful for this wonderful example of gratitude, faith, and devotion. I hope it encourages you today as it has me.

Sonya Haskins

www.thehomeschooladvocate.com

Chris took the children to church this morning while I rested. Even though I pray all the time, study my Bible regularly, and truly worship God in my heart without church, I still don’t like to miss church. My pastor gives the best sermons in the world and it’s nice to visit with fellow believers. When I can’t go, Chris and the children tell me about the sermon when they come home. That’s good, but it’s not the same as hearing it myself.

Sometimes our pastor plays a short video clip of missionaries or something pertaining to the sermon. This morning the children and Chris came home telling me how powerful the video was that he used today. It was a video based on a sermon entitled “That’s My King!” by S.M. Lockridge. It is inspirational and reminds us that Our King is THE King.

As Chris and the children were telling me about the service, Chris also mentioned that a new family visited today. He thought I might know them because they homeschool and have ten children. I immediately thought I knew who he was talking about and I said, “Were they perfect? Sitting in the pews quietly? Dressed neatly? Etc.?”

Chris thought for a moment and said, “Yes, they were.”

He gave me a kind of funny look and Sarah said, “Mommy doesn’t like perfect,” as if that would explain everything.

Although I denied this fact, I couldn’t help but think of my wonderful editor. We’ve had many discussions on this topic and I immediately thought, “Gee, it’s pretty bad that my editor would probably agree with my 12-year-old daughter on this topic!”

Instead of saying that, I said out loud, “Oh yeah, I know who they are. That’s the ___ family. They are as sweet as can be.”

“You don’t mind that they are perfect,” he asked, imitating the way I had said the word.
“Oh, no,” I said, “Of course not, but they are pretty perfect.”

I told him how the mom had shared at a mom’s meeting one time how a new homeschooling mom had asked how to reduce her stress. This mother replied that she didn’t have any stress because they followed a strict schedule so everyone knows what needs to be done when. They get up at 6:00 and all the children are responsible for getting dressed and doing morning chores by 7:00, when they have to be at the breakfast table. They eat a full breakfast every morning with dad before he leaves for work so that he can do Bible study with them. Then they clean up the dishes and start school at 8:00. They do school for four hours and then break for lunch at noon. The children rotate lunch and dinner duty so that mom doesn’t have to cook the meals. After lunch, they have quiet time, then play time before dinner. After dinner, which is served at 6:00, they have family time for a couple of hours and then the children are in bed at 8:00.

I remember watching the reaction of the new homeschool mom as this veteran homeschooler was sharing this information. The new homeschooler looked as if her eyes would pop out of her head.

To ease her mind and help her get her eyes back into their sockets, I said, “Actually, I think that might drive the average person insane!

“You don’t have to do it that way,” I stated.

The veteran homeschool mom is one of the sweetest people I know and I was quick to acknowledge to the group present that if they were able to manage their household so efficiently and maintain a schedule so expertly, then by all means they should do so. That is a wonderful way to train your children about scheduling, discipline, responsibility, commitment, etc. However, I also think that it’s just not possible for some families to maintain such structure and if they try to do it and can’t, it’s a greater source of frustration and stress than they had to begin with.

I really am not against “perfection,” but rather the idea that we can attain it. Perfection is attained through the only one who is perfect – the Lord Jesus Christ. Also, it’s very easy to look at someone else’s situation and desire to be like them, but God gives each of us our own unique abilities and challenges. Instead of worrying about or comparing yourself to others, seek the Lord’s will for your life – and your homeschool.

Rather than seeking perfection or an idea of perfection that you’ve developed by observing someone else or creating an ideal world in your mind, seek the Lord. Seek God. Know God. Love God. Obey God. If you do this, the rest will follow and it doesn’t much matter if you follow a strict or a flexible schedule so long as you have the Light to guide you.

Sonya
www.thehomeschooladvocate.com

For several years now, I’ve noticed that my mom has been losing her memory. She frequently doesn’t remember things that did happen and she “remembers” things that didn’t really happen. Some of those memories involve me as she will insist that she did something that was actually me or she’ll insist that I did or didn’t do something that I actually didn’t or did do.

This year for Christmas, Momma gave me a gift bag that said “From the Past.” That should have been a red flag right there. The contained two little Christmas ornaments that I cross-stitched when I was about ten and a gourd that was painted like an old-fashioned Santa Clause.
Now I clearly recall cross-stitching the little Christmas ornaments and putting them into the little frames for the Christmas tree. The gourd, however, is a different story. I said to my mom, “Mom, I didn’t pain this gourd.”

“Yes, you did,” she replied.

“Momma,” I began, “I don’t recall ever seeing this little gourd before, but even if I did see it before, I certainly didn’t paint it. Look. It’s professionally painted.”

My mother looked closely at the gourd and began telling me how she remembers me bringing this home from school when I was in third or fourth grade. It was an art project that we had worked on at school, she explained, and I was a good little artist. Now I’ll give her that much. I was a terrific artist when I was young. I still look at the drawings I created as a ten and eleven-year-old and it’s astounding. They look professional, but I remember creating each and every one of them. I do not remember this gourd, nor could I have painted quite that professionally. I was more into pencil drawings than paintings.

Well, I don’t like to frustrate my mom so when she insisted once again that I painted the gourd, I didn’t say anything else. I just accepted her gift and thought, “What will it hurt if she thinks I was a professional painter in third grade?!?”

Today Hannah was rummaging through the Christmas things that still haven’t been put away. We didn’t even have a tree this year, but we still haven’t managed to put away the few things we did have out. Hannah found the gourd and all the children were asking where it came from so I told them the story.

I said, “Why don’t we finish packing away all our Christmas things and we’ll put this up somewhere? You guys can drag it back out in 20 years and I’ll say, ‘Look, here’s that little gourd that Sarah painted in school when she was ten.’”

Sarah was sitting there and she said, “Mommy, we don’t go to school.”

Chris said, “I can just see it now. If you start losing your memory, then you’ll say, ‘Yes, you did, Sarah, don’t you remember painting this in third grade and you brought it home from school with you?’

“Then Sarah will say, ‘But Mommy, really, I didn’t paint that when I was in third grade, remember? You wouldn’t even let us go to school so that’s not possible. We were homeschooled.’

“And Mommy will say, ‘No, I remember. You brought this home from school when you were in third grade! I remember it so it must be true. And besides, what is homeschool?’”

It was funny. The kids were cracking up. The medicine I take already makes me forget things more easily, but I hope I don’t completely lose my memory. If I do, perhaps the children will point me back to writing such as then when I recognize that perhaps I shouldn’t argue about some things.

After all, sometimes a gourd is just a gourd.

Sonya Haskins
www.thehomeschooladvocate.com

ABC’s of Homeschooling

A – Athletics: Homeschoolers do participate in sports! Some prefer local city teams, others participate through the Boys and Girls Clubs or Upward type programs. In some areas, homeschoolers are permitted to participate on public or private school teams. Where I live, there are private homeschool sports teams that compete with area private schools. It is possible for homeschool students to participate in sports!

B – BOOKS: I’ve never met a homeschool family who didn’t appreciate books. We’ve been told that we have more books than the local library and I consider this a compliment.Â

C – Chores: Children who learn at home have more time to help with household chores. This not only increases their ability to manage a household of their own one day, but it also gives them a sense of responsibility, teamwork, and accomplishment.

D – Discipline: Since parents love their children more than anyone else in the world, they are able to train them and discipline them throughout the day when they are homeschool.Â

E – Enthusiasm: Based on my experience with homeschooled children, they appear to have a lot more enthusiasm for life and learning than the average child. Parents can also share their enthusiasm for particular subjects with their children.Â

F - Field Trips: No homeschool education would be complete without field trips! Whether you visit historic sites, hands-on museums, reenactments, politicians, or one of the hundreds of other options, field trips help make homeschooling a well-rounded educational option.

G – Games: There are many educational games that not only supplement academics in your household, they also encourage teamwork, positive attitudes, and sportsmanship.Â

H – Homemade Meals: With obesity an ever-growing problem in the United States today, it is rare to see a homeschooled child who is overweight. Why is this? I believe it’s because children who are taught at home eat healthier meals and are allowed to exercise much more than children in any institutionalized school setting.

I – Individuality: Rather than succumbing to the trends of the crowd, homeschooled children are individuals. While some people would describe them as “weird” or “quirky,” I love the differences I see in homeschooled children. Each child is a unique individual who is not afraid to be different.

J – Jesus: Thankfully, with home education, parents can teach children about the Lord Jesus Christ not just during evenings and weekends, but throughout the day in every interaction with that growing little person.

K – Kindness: This is not something to be preached, but this is a fruit of the spirit that must be shown. Many parents who teach their children at home take many opportunities to show their children how kindness is a noun that has real application in life.

L – Laughter: I cannot imagine how quiet our household would be if our children were gone away for several hours each day. While that sometimes sounds enticing, I must admit that I would miss all the laughter that occurs every day. It has been said that a good, hearty laugh increases your life span so I expect my children to live very long lives!

M – Memories: I am so thankful for the memories that we create each day. The millions of children who are homeschooled will have fond memories of family, fun, fellowship and love over the years.

N – Nature: It bugs me that so many people today talk about the environment, yet most of the people in our society really don’t care. They don’t want people having more children (due to “overpopulation”), yet they kill thousands of trees every year to print new editions of textbooks that were perfectly fine the year before. They tell children to take care of the environment and take them outside once per year to plant a tree, but they don’t allow them to fall in love with nature by permitting them to experience it. I am so thankful that homeschooled children are allowed to experience nature. Almost every homeschooled child I know has the opportunity to spend hours, not minutes, outside every day. That is how you fall in love with nature.

O – Opportunities: With homeschooling, families have more time to take field trips, participate in sports, attend plays, visit science museums, talk with senators and representatives, travel, and so much more. Opportunities abound for homeschoolers.Â

P – Prayer: This is an essential part of many homeschooling families and I can’t imagine our home without it.

Q – Questions: I hear from a lot of homeschoolers who want to remove their children from public school. One of the big complaints is from parents of little boys ages 9-12. These little boys are being stifled. Teachers don’t want them to ask questions, yet many children, especially little boys, learn that way. I am thankful that my children can ask questions all day long and even if I don’t know the answer, we can find it together! (Check out The Homeschooler’s Book of Lists. This reference-type book has over 250 lists that contain information about the most common elementary level subjects and has been praised by homeschoolers as an excellent supplement to various curricula.)

R – Reading: Rather than a boring chore, reading becomes an awesome adventure when children are provided with good quality books and the time to delve into them with gusto.Â

S – Sibling Relationships: I like to remind my children, and other parents, that when it comes down to it, the sibling relationship is probably the most important relationship in the world. Children may grow up and get married one day, but their future spouse is not intimately familiar with the details and experiences, whether good or bad, of that person’s life. The only people who will truly understand how someone else grew up, what they experienced, and who the person was when they were young are a person’s siblings. Since most parents die before children do, the sibling relationship will even outlive the parent-child relationship. Remind your children always that they should love their brothers and sisters and treat them kindly always. The great thing about homeschooling is that frequently the sibling relationship develops in a much more positive manner than would be possible if the children are away from one another for most of the day. When your playmates are limited, it is obvious that you need to get along with the only options available! (Hey, perhaps I should remember that the next time I’m upset with my husband, too.) J

T – Training:  Training takes a lot of work and it’s not something you can do in a few hours on the weekend.  With homeschooling, you have the opportunity to work with your child for hours each day to provide the guidance he/she needs to develop good morals and a godly character.

U – Unit Studies: While there are certainly many methods of teaching at home, most parents incorporate unit studies to a small degree, even if it’s just focusing on elections, Thanksgiving, or a particular event in history for a few weeks. Unit studies can be formal or informal. We’ve never purchased curriculum to use with our unit studies, but when my children are interested in beetles, hurricanes, or Clara Barton, we focus all our attention on the topic for a few weeks. When their interest has waned, we move on to another.

V – Valued: Yes, we could put these children on that little yellow bus and send them off to school each day, but we choose to keep them home instead. Through difficult days and all, we’ve chosen to homeschool. Not everyone has the opportunity to teach at home, nor do they choose to do so. Many parents who don’t homeschool love their children just as dearly, but I do believe that the children who are taught at home have no question that they are valued.

W – Wonder: I love to see the sense of wonder on children’s faces as they make new discoveries or marvel about the magnificent creation the Lord has given us. I cannot imagine a world without children or without the gift of wonder that they give us.

X, Y, and Z:  All of these remind us that there is a season for everything and this includes and end to all things. Enjoy the time you have with your children. It will come to pass faster than you can imagine and you might even miss the days when dirty fingers get mud on your doors or little people ask questions one after another. Enjoy this season and praise the Lord for each and every blessing in your home!

Â

My husband, children and I visited my family this weekend in Soddy-Daisy, Tennessee. On the way home, we stopped at the Cracker Barrel to eat a late lunch / early dinner. We had a very nice waitress and the food was delicious. After we ate, we sat there for a few minutes talking. Micah and I were on the same side of the table and there was a large family sitting directly behind us. After we finished eating, an older gentleman turned around and it was obvious that he wanted to strike up a conversation.

“Hello there, young man,” he began. “How are you today?”

Micah told him that he was fine and the man said, “Do you play football?”

Micah just kind of looked at him and so the man said, “What’s your sport? Do you play football?”

I was sitting there thinking, “Gee, couldn’t the guy have asked him the boiling point of water, the name of the first vehicle in outerspace or something easy like that…”

But instead he again said, “Do you watch a lot of football?”

Sure enough, Micah said, “I don’t know what that is.”

Of course the man looked at Micah - and THEN AT ME - as if we were from another planet! Now to the child’s credit, it was very noisy in the restaurant and the man did have an accent and so we couldn’t hear him very well. Instead of pointing out the obvious difficulties, however, I said, “Micah doesn’t play sports. He is more of a science kind of guy. He wants to be a scientist when he grows up.”

The man looked at Micah and Micah said, “I want to work for the Army Core of Engineers.”

Hmmm. That gave the man something to think about. He said something else about sports and I said, “We just don’t really play any sports, but he does know what football is. He just misunderstood you.”

The man decided to change direction at that point and said, “The Army Core of Engineers, huh? Are you familiar with the Oak Ridge Power Plant? I used to work there. I helped develop various cooling systems to test.”

After that we had a nice conversation that was more in line with things we were familiar with. He proceeded to tell us about his background, his family, his work history, and all the while I was wondering what his family thought about the fact that he had talked much more with us than with them. Meanwhile, my children had all finished eating, the to-go boxes had been packed and everyone at my table was anxious to leave so I politely excused us from the table. It was nice to meet him, but we needed to go.

I told Hannah and Christopher that they could pick out a small bag of candy to share. Basically, the day before, the other children had picked out something and it was enough to last for a few days, but Christopher and Hannah had chosen a very small candy so we told them they could get something else and share it so they each picked one of those small 2 for $1.00 bags of candy. I asked Chris to pay for them while I went and gave the waitress her tip. When I came back out, he was still standing in the same spot and still had the bags of candy in his hand.

I took the candy from him and told him to just take the children to the van and I would pay. He walked everyone to the van and I was standing there with the candy and Hannah, who stayed behind with me. I went to the register and paid for the candy, the lady put it in a bag, and I walked out to the van. When I got to the van, Chris handed me some change. I asked him what it was for and he said, “It’s the change from that five dollar bill you gave me to pay for the candy.”

I said, “You mean to tell me you actually paid for the candy?” He said yes. I asked him why he had neglected to tell me this and he said that he just didn’t think of it. When I asked him why he didn’t have the candy in a bag, he said, “She didn’t offer me one.” I asked him what he thought I was going to stay behind and pay for and he told me he had no idea, but he didn’t really think about it. That just figures.

So then I go marching back into the store with the two bags of candy to UNpay for them.

I take them up to the counter and tried to explain to the cashier that she had just double charged me for these two bags of candy because she had charged my husband and me for the same candy. I asked her if she remembered charging him and she said yes. And she definitely remembered me. We had chatted some. So I handed her the candy and she said, “So you want to return these?”

I said, “Yes, I need my money back.”

She scanned them and started to put them behind the register. I said, “But I want the candy back.” She said, “But you said you wanted to return them.” I said, “Yes, but I only want to RETURN them. I don’t want you to keep them. You do the return and give me my money back, but then I need to keep the candy.”

She looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

I said, “You just charged my husband and me for the SAME two bags of candy. I didn’t buy two different bags. These are literally the same two bags that he paid for.”

She looked at me like she didn’t really believe me and she wouldn’t give me the candy.

I said, “OK. Here’s what happened….” I explained the whole situation to her again, emphasizing the part that he paid her for the candy and then she didn’t put it in a bag so when I saw him standing there with the candy, I took it from him and paid for those same two bags again. I think she got it at that point or at least she must have understood that I wasn’t going to leave without my money and the candy because she gave me both.

As I turned around to leave, the woman standing behind me was laughing and she said, “That sounds like something me and my husband would do.”

I guess it was a bit funny. Between the older gentleman and trying to buy the two bags of candy, it ended up taking us about 45 minutes to leave the place after we had eaten. Oh well. At least the food was good. And there is never a dull moment.

Sonya